they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize