apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
