booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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