she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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