hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
