Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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