1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the day after is always just damage control
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
