I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
