Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
