dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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