if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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