you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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