Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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