'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
