Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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