jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
