Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
