You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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