I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she peed on how many people?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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