Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
