I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
