im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
