Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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