I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize