no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
