1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
