She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
