at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
