And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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