Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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