please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
