i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
