I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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