well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
