I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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