i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize