dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
