nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
