anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
