and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
