friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
