Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
