Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
