I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
