she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
