dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize