Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
