and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
