My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
