the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
