I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
