i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
