There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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