Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
