Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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