I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
