You work out of a Hotel?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
