She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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