dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
