i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
