I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
