I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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