I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize