If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
