remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
