I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
