I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
