i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
