I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
